i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
