awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
