perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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