Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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