Grow some girl-balls and come out already
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
