Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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