if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
