as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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