So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just pee around me
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
