so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
