I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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