Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
