im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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