my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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