God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
