I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
