I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
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I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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