I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
