i think my tv is drunk
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
