I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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