just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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