The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
