Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
