tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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