As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
