she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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