giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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