super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
