I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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