I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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