The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
