I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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