One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
