I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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