i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
