margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize