youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
