"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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