How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
