just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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