so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You have to summon your inner elephant
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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