Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
