1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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