she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
