The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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