He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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