I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if only i could text you this smell
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
