well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
