i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
