You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
