Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
