its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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