I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
