why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
