You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
