so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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