i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
