there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
