This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
