watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
