I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
