OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
