forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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