Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
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but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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