What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
