Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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