Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
