Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
